Let me introduce myself, my name is Always;
I like to think I'm a girl's best friend.
I fit into your purse by folding myself small-ways;
You know I'm just the means to an end!
Oh the end is clean, the end is out of sight,
The end still smells fresh at the end of the night!

* * *

It's not that I insist upon always doing things my way,
But I've got something to tell you gals:
That little slut tampon is so male-identified:
She's long and she's hard, and she likes to stick herself inside!
But I'm not jealous, I'm just jaded,
Because penetration's overrated.
And besides, I know it's not nice to talk behind another girl's back.
Oh sure, I heard you talking behind MY back when I came in here,
Saying how this isn't my natural colour.
Well sure, I've bleached my fibers whiter than a peroxide blonde,
But what's it to you?
I believe white and clean is the surest way to hygiene.

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