Volume 2, Number 46
HELIOS HARDWARE
By Edith McCloud, the Second
Yesterday, Helios finally broke down and
bought a new blender.
Their old one died about four months ago, according to one resident.
The blender, a Hamilton Beach ten speed,
has already been used to
whip cream.
NEW MUSIC EQUIPMENT
By I.M. Cydyng
On Town Trip last Saturday, Gavin made
a down payment on a mongo
amp. It's finally here. Musicians are looking forward
to using the
200 watt amplifier, capable of producing sounds up to approximately
one
hundred and seven decibels.
Other people around here hope they'll
never use the sucker.
FICTION
lurch had finally escaped from his family.
He was camping in
upstate New York. But now everything seemed to go wrong for
him. The
tent leaked, and it was just his luck to choose the rainiest weekend
in
the century to go camping.
By Saturday evening, everything he'd brought
with him was sopping
wet, including the car, which also leaked. This depressed
him so much
he decided to jump off a cliff and kill himself.
It took him several days to find a suitable
cliff. He jumped off,
but midway down the ripcord of his parachute caught on a protruding
twig. The parachute billowed around him.
"Who the #S%* put this parachute on me?!?"
lurch yelled, as he
arrived safely at the bottom.
"I did, dear," said his grandmother, who
was waiting for him at
the bottom. "I knew this would happen."
The comics are brought to you by a grant from Jon McGee.
The executive
corporate sponsor wishes you to know he did not
dedicate these comics.
SELECTED BY JON DEDICATED TO MEGAN