TMS Times
                         Wednesday, May 2, 1990

                          Volume 2, Number 46

By Edith McCloud, the Second

     Yesterday, Helios finally broke down and bought a new blender.
Their old one died about four months ago, according to one resident.
     The blender, a Hamilton Beach ten speed, has already been used to
whip cream.

By I.M. Cydyng

     On Town Trip last Saturday, Gavin made a down payment on a mongo
amp.  It's finally here.  Musicians are looking forward to using the
200 watt amplifier, capable of producing sounds up to approximately one
hundred and seven decibels.
     Other people around here hope they'll never use the sucker.


     lurch had finally escaped from his family.  He was camping in
upstate New York.  But now everything seemed to go wrong for him.  The
tent leaked, and it was just his luck to choose the rainiest weekend in
the century to go camping.
     By Saturday evening, everything he'd brought with him was sopping
wet, including the car, which also leaked.  This depressed him so much
he decided to jump off a cliff and kill himself.
     It took him several days to find a suitable cliff.  He jumped off,
but midway down the ripcord of his parachute caught on a protruding
twig.  The parachute billowed around him.
     "Who the #S%* put this parachute on me?!?" lurch yelled, as he
arrived safely at the bottom.
     "I did, dear," said his grandmother, who was waiting for him at
the bottom.  "I knew this would happen."

The comics are brought to you by a grant from Jon McGee.  The executive
 corporate sponsor wishes you to know he did not dedicate these comics.


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